So... What Even Is a Top?

If you’re part of queer spaces long enough, you’ll hear terms like top, bottom, switch, stone, service top, and more. But what does “top” actually mean—especially in sapphic relationships?

At its core, being a top often means you like to take the lead when it comes to giving pleasure. That might mean initiating, using hands/strap-ons/toys, or just being the more active partner in bed. But it’s not just about sex—it can reflect a vibe, a caretaking energy, or a desire to be of service (yes, even emotionally).

It’s Not About Gender or Presentation

You can be a femme top, a butch bottom, or anything in between. Your energy, preferences, and emotional connection matter way more than what you look like or how you dress.

It’s Also Not That Deep… Until It Is

Some folks strongly identify as tops. Others are like “meh, depends on the mood.” (Hi, switches.) It’s all valid. These roles aren’t rules—they’re tools for better understanding ourselves and our partners. The key? Communicate, check in, and don’t assume based on appearances.

Tops Make It About You (In a Good Way)

A good top is attuned, responsive, and generous. They’re not about power or ego—they’re about pleasure. Yours. And they’re usually pretty into that.

Want to dive deeper into your own dynamic? Whether you’re exploring new relationship roles or unlearning shame around pleasure, there’s space for all of it in therapy. Reach out if you want to talk more.

The Ultimate Guide to Fingering: Tips and Techniques for Better Pleasure

Let’s talk about fingering! It's often an overlooked yet incredibly intimate and pleasurable form of sexual activity. Whether you’re a newbie or looking to enhance your skills, this guide will provide you with tips and techniques to make fingering an unforgettable experience for both you and your partner.

Why Fingering Matters

Fingering isn't just foreplay; it can be the main event. It’s a versatile act that allows for deep connection and exploration. Plus, it’s an excellent way to learn about your partner’s body and discover what makes them tick. Understanding how to use your hands effectively can elevate your sexual repertoire and create more satisfying experiences.

Setting the Mood

Before diving into the technicalities, setting the right mood is crucial. Here are some tips:

1. Communicate: Talk with your partner about their preferences and boundaries. Consent is key.

2. Create a Comfortable Environment: Dim the lights, play some soft music, and ensure the room is warm and inviting.

3. Foreplay: Start with kissing, touching, and caressing to build arousal.

Basic Techniques

Let’s get into some fundamental techniques that can make fingering enjoyable and effective.

1. Start Slow: Begin with gentle touches around the thighs and lower abdomen. Build anticipation.

2. Explore the Vulva: Use your fingers to gently stroke the labia, clitoris, and vaginal opening. Vary the pressure and speed.

3. Find the G-Spot: Curl your fingers in a "come hither" motion about 2-3 inches inside the vagina on the front wall. This area can be highly sensitive and pleasurable for many people.

Advanced Techniques

Ready to take things up a notch? Here are some advanced techniques to try:

1. Circular Motions: Use your fingers to make circular motions around the clitoris or G-spot. This can provide continuous stimulation and increase pleasure.

2. Changing Speeds and Pressure: Vary your speed and pressure to keep things exciting. Pay attention to your partner’s reactions and adjust accordingly.

3. Multi-Finger Play: Incorporate more fingers to increase the sensation. You can also use one hand for internal stimulation while the other hand stimulates the clitoris or other erogenous zones.

Using Lubricants

Lubrication is crucial for a comfortable and pleasurable experience. Natural lubrication may not always be enough, so consider using a water-based lubricant to enhance the sensation and prevent discomfort.

Listening to Your Partner

The most important aspect of fingering (or any sexual activity) is communication and responsiveness. Pay attention to your partner’s body language, sounds, and verbal feedback. Don’t be afraid to ask them what feels good and what they’d like more of.

Aftercare

Aftercare is an essential part of any sexual experience. Take time to cuddle, talk, and ensure your partner feels comfortable and appreciated. This can strengthen your bond and make future encounters even more enjoyable.

Common Mistakes to Avoid

To ensure a positive experience, avoid these common mistakes:

1. Ignoring Lubrication: Always use enough lubrication to prevent discomfort.

2. Rushing: Take your time. Build up the intensity slowly.

3. Neglecting Communication: Keep the lines of communication open. Ask for feedback and be responsive to your partner’s needs.

Conclusion

Fingering can be a deeply satisfying and intimate experience when done with care and attention. By using the tips and techniques outlined in this guide, you can enhance your skills and create more pleasurable encounters for you and your partner. Remember, the key to great fingering is communication, patience, and a willingness to explore and learn together.

Ready to elevate your sexual experiences? Give these techniques a try and discover the incredible pleasure that effective fingering can bring!