So... What Even Is a Top?
If you’re part of queer spaces long enough, you’ll hear terms like top, bottom, switch, stone, service top, and more. But what does “top” actually mean—especially in sapphic relationships?
At its core, being a top often means you like to take the lead when it comes to giving pleasure. That might mean initiating, using hands/strap-ons/toys, or just being the more active partner in bed. But it’s not just about sex—it can reflect a vibe, a caretaking energy, or a desire to be of service (yes, even emotionally).
It’s Not About Gender or Presentation
You can be a femme top, a butch bottom, or anything in between. Your energy, preferences, and emotional connection matter way more than what you look like or how you dress.
It’s Also Not That Deep… Until It Is
Some folks strongly identify as tops. Others are like “meh, depends on the mood.” (Hi, switches.) It’s all valid. These roles aren’t rules—they’re tools for better understanding ourselves and our partners. The key? Communicate, check in, and don’t assume based on appearances.
Tops Make It About You (In a Good Way)
A good top is attuned, responsive, and generous. They’re not about power or ego—they’re about pleasure. Yours. And they’re usually pretty into that.
Want to dive deeper into your own dynamic? Whether you’re exploring new relationship roles or unlearning shame around pleasure, there’s space for all of it in therapy. Reach out if you want to talk more.